Q&A Wednesday: Is it just hormones?
“My 16 year old daughter is moody most days. She cries or is extremely angry. I think it’s hormones, my husband thinks it’s a problem. Should we be worried?”
Good news for you and your spouse: you’re both right! Savor this moment when nobody is wrong! :)
Moodiness in a teenager is normal, as we all know. It’s a defining characteristic of adolescents. Mood swings, especially for girls around their menstrual cycles, are like the weather.
Gauge your worry around three areas: frequency, duration, and intensity of the moods.
Frequency: does she get angry and passionate over something that provokes her “rightfully” (a disagreement with a friend? A change of plans? A fight with a sibling?), or is it any small inconvenience throughout the day? Is it happening everyday multiple times a day, or a couple times a week?
Duration: how long does a “mood” last? Typically, general sadness is less than two weeks of being down in the dumps and has a reason (a loss, a disappointment, etc). Depression is several weeks and lasts long enough to no longer be because of a single reason. Depression lingers.
Intensity: does your teenager bounce back to themselves within what you deem a reasonable amount of time, or do they stay in the depths of despair? Do they harm (physically or verbally) themselves, their belongings, or other people in a fit of rage?
Finally, look at her coping skills: is she drowning herself in depressing music, drawing dark art, or consuming troubling content on social media/Youtube/TikTok/TV? Sometimes, we miss our child’s cries for help when we view them as hobbies or coping skills. Yes, some kids are drawn to darker things, but when coupled with long term sadness or anger, it only makes sense to investigate further.
This is when I say to you, trust your instincts. If you sense a red flag, it’s probably because there is a red flag. That’s the time to take your child to a pediatrician and begin a conversation with your child about how they’re feeling. After raging out (because that may happen, let’s be honest with ourselves), your child may experience relief that you’re willing to hear that they don’t feel quite right.
If you feel this is typical teenage angst, there is no reason not to engage your child in a conversation and let them know that your door is open if they ever need to talk about anything.
In the meantime, see my blog from last week. YOU are doing a great job tuning in to your child. Moody teens aren’t easy, parenting them is even more challenging.